#4 When a Momentous Moment Finds You

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Galatians 6:2

Thursday, January 21st, 2021. Right after school I received a phone call from my wife who was at a 6-month prenatal appointment. As soon as I picked up the phone, I knew it was bad news. "Something's wrong, get over here as quick as you can," she said. I hustled to the hospital and quickly made it up to her floor, where I was escorted into a triage room...never a good sign. I sat with Audrey and we were told that our baby had an abnormally fast heartbeat. So fast that it risked giving out if we didn't get it under control. Audrey needed to be flown to Sioux Falls to see a specialist and to try to save our child. As that decision was made and preparations began, I flew out of the room with a million missions on my mind.

As I prayed in the midst of it all, I was so thankful that Audrey's sister, Angela, was living with us at the time while she student taught. She was able to grab our older two kids and get them home. She was a godsend for us in being able to watch them as I made the three-hour trek to Sioux Falls to be with Audrey. Funny enough (looking back), she even had some practice getting to watch them by herself just a couple months earlier when both Audrey and I contracted COVID and were quarantined to our basement. I remember throwing some clothes into a bag, giving Simon and Gianna a hug, and then getting on the road as quickly as I could.

I'm not entirely sure what the statute of limitations is on a few things, but I will assume they have passed. I PROMISE you I have never driven faster than I did to Sioux Falls that day. So fast that I forgot to get gas. So fast that I forgot my wallet. I noticed both of those things when the gas light came on, just short of Chamberlain (a little under halfway there). Thank God Audrey had told me to grab her wallet out of her car when I left the hospital. After Audrey bought my gas in Chamberlain, I resumed speeding. I remember calling a few different people who had experienced having a child in NICU before. From everything I was able to find on WebMD and in a short time of research, these conditions usually resulted in an emergency delivery followed by a NICE stay. My assumption was that we would be coming back home with our baby after a stay at the NICU. I arrived in Audrey's room about 30 minutes after she did, thanking God that we all made it safe.

The best news of all was that they had immediately gotten Audrey on some medication, which was working to save our child. It was all under control for the time being, but there would be plenty of challenges ahead as they tried to figure out the cause and find the appropriate doses and combinations that would help the baby without harming Audrey in the process. As things settled in that first night, our fears temporarily receded.

Audrey's mom came down on Friday, and we traded off time with Audrey, as she was only allowed one visitor during the COVID era. I spent Friday night in the hospital, while her mom got a hotel room nearby. Then, Saturday, her mom returned and I prepared to stay at the hotel. As the Head Boy's Varsity Hockey Coach at the time, I had let the rest of our staff know I wouldn't be coaching that day. Coincidentally, it seemed that every year our Pink the Rink game was scheduled on a day when we either had a big family event or something else was going on so of course it was that day. I shot the group a message wishing them good luck and, hopefully, underscored the importance of family.

I then headed to the Cathedral for church and confession. It was one of the more emotional confessions I can remember. I started off a little upset with God, then I essentially rehashed the previous couple of days. This was probably not how the Priest expected that to go. I am so thankful for his response in pausing the formal confession to say a prayer together. Hearing the compassion in his voice really helped me process everything that was going on, but to also remember that "man plans, God laughs." Ultimately, God knew what we needed better than we did, and we wouldn't change that.

As I finished mass and headed back to the hotel, I was preparing to watch our hockey game. I was sent a picture by one of our coaches, Jon. He sent me a picture of a full bottle of Kiwi-Strawberry Propel Water, my favorite. No fancy words, just a picture of the bottle on the bench where I would normally stand. Our team exploded in the first period, netting 7 goals. During the intermission interview, one of our Captains, Raef, said they had to get some work done for our family. Our team would go on to win the game 12-1.

After the game, the Facebook post here, along with the photo above, came across my feed. It was another reminder of all the love and support that surrounded us that week. Tiffany took some amazing pictures of our team over the years including another on the home page of this site of me meeting my kids at the glass, just over a month later, after our semifinal game that season.

Our stay in Sioux Falls would last another four days before we could head home. The normalcy of our team having a virtual film session via Zoom helped more than many would ever know. That may not have been possible without the pandemic and the rise of those virtual tools that resulted from it. One of the parents who hosted the film sent me pictures of how happy it made them to host it and see all of the boys in one place, having a good time and working together in the evening. While they shared their prayers and wishes, it never occurred that they also shared their thanks for handling it the way we had.

Things all worked out, although not always easily. Our beautiful baby girl, Shay, would be born that April. She would need a regimen of medication to ensure that her heart rate remained steady throughout her infancy. Having to wake a happy, sleeping baby to give her medicine and try to get her back to sleep wasn't always a blast, but she made it through it all happy and healthy, and we were pretty used to never sleeping by that point. Fast forward to today, and we have our own little dancing, musical performer who is now 5 years old and preparing for Kindergarten!

It is probably easy to see why we will never forget this time period. There are many different reasons and moments that make it so memorable. What isn't always easy to find is exactly how these moments change us going forward (the true definition of Momentous), both the good and the bad moments. Both can stick with us forever and have a direct impact on our future. Let's explore this for the rest of this post.

First, the initial shock and awe of our unborn child's heart condition and the many bad decisions on my trip to Sioux Falls coupled with all the potential negative outcomes they could result in, distracted me from other important, everyday tasks, like getting gas and bringing my wallet. Coaching requires me to make split-second decisions all the time. Many times, bad things happen, and things can distract me, but my preparation for the unknown or unexpected allows me to work through the moment. When I reflected on this, I wondered why that didn't translate for me in this moment. Coaching is a game, highly intense, with high stakes. Not life-or-death like this, but high stakes. The primary difference, I determined, was my level of control.

In coaching, I know that I can control or have some kind of impact on the game through my decisions. However, at that moment leaving the hospital, I knew I had no control. I couldn't change the result no matter what I did or how hard I tried. While I would say I have a healthy prayer life, this period of time (including the confession) really challenged me. It's easy for us to have faith when things are good and going our way. Not so much in times like this one. The confession really solidified that in my mind going forward, and I can remember every element so clearly because of it, to the point where I wish I had done it face-to-face so I could find and thank that Priest today. Hearing him transition to praying together mid-confession really showed me that it isn't always our job to fix things. Sometimes, all God wants us to do is to ask him what HE wants us to do, and to stop trying to do it ourselves. It was a moment of total helplessness, with total dependence on others and God. It was terrifying (I can't even speak for how terrifying it was to Audrey), but it taught me the power of letting go and letting God in these moments.

The other part that made this Momentous was the outpouring of support. From Jon sending me that picture to Raef's words in the interview to Tiffany's post, to the many messages we received. The support makes you realize that you matter, not always just as a Coach or what you can do for others, but as a person and family. More than anything, it taught me the power of people coming together to support those facing a tremendous struggle. A lot of times, people donate to a GoFundMe or another way to support someone and never truly realize the impact. Moments like this, for us, help you realize the power they involve.

So many people go through things every single day that most people never see. We were pretty private about how we handled our situation, except for the people who needed to know. The support came anyway. This is a major reason why I seek to be that support for those in need as I encounter them. Unfortunately, we have seen many tragedies in our community over the years. I would venture a guess that everyone has, no matter where you live. Our community has rallied to uplift many different serious situations over the years and I am thankful that they were there to uplift us in our moment of need. So, thank you, Jon, Raef, Tiffany, and the many others who were there for us in our time of need. And thank you GOD.

The next time you're faced with an opportunity to make an impact on someone in need, please do it. You never know how much it will impact them!

PARTING THOUGHTS

• Ask yourself if you have watched a moment to impact someone in need pass you by, and if so, why?

• Has there been a time when you were in a tough situation like this and were uplifted by members of your community?

• Who can you thank for being there for you in your moment of need today?

• Think of someone in your circle right now who may be going through something hard. What is your version of the Propel bottle?

Happy Memorial Day!